My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
honey bunches of taint.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
