Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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