i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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