I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
