Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
