How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
