i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
