Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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