I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
