some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
