every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
