his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
