A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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