She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
