My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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