Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
