90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
