My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
