she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
