If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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