You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
