well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
