i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
