I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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