found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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