i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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