I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This is classic penis vs brain.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
