I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
