Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
