I wish I only lived at night.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
