Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
