You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
