I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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