His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
These tits shall not be calmed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
