I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
