Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
