with your own penis?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
