Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
