I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
