Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.

(773): View more from Illinois

...well that sucks.

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(407): View more from Florida

he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around

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(203): View more from Connecticut

there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

(718): View more from New York

pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."

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(276): View more from Virginia

Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.

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