You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
