I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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