Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can I color on your dick again?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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