Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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