is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
