That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
