I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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