Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
