Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
