how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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