This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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