didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
