SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
