apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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